Who Am I? Unpacking Personality Tests…
I was barely an adolescent when I took my first personality test. My dad was fascinated by The Enneagram® and so he had all five of us kids take the assessment. At that time, I was told that I was a “number six” or what they referred to as the “loyal-skeptic.” Those two words, “loyal” and “skeptic”, have stuck with me ever since. It’s like I chiseled them into my psyche and made them my personality elevator pitch. “Hi, I’m Mary, and in a nutshell… I am loyal and skeptical.” In retrospect, learning that I was a “six” at such a young age was a double edged sword.
It comes with the territory.
Being the youngest of five breeds an obsession with understanding how to navigate relationships, especially with your siblings. You could say, it comes with the territory. So you can imagine how excited I got when I realized that the results of the The Enneagram® test was about to give me insight into the tools I needed to survive in my pack. This innate desire to really understand people is ingrained in me to this day and influenced my desire to get a degree in psychology.
Being the baby of the family can also feel like a constant battle to be seen or heard, or better yet... liked. Being exposed to a way to understand myself and my gifts at such a young age felt like a way of being witnessed, by myself and my family. Understanding the results gave us a shared language which ultimately resulted in deeper connections among all of us. There is something so simple and yet so special about having the words to know yourself and those around you.
I will never forget our family meeting where we reviewed the traits of each of our numbers. I remember feeling like my parents were teaming up with me to shed light on all of the amazing things that I had to offer as a “six”, like they were making a case for the rest of my siblings to love me just as much as they did. I say this because what stuck with me the most was a sense that I had “won” the best results (like it was a test you could win LOL)! I have always felt proud to say I was a six, because what I heard at the time was that sixes were the coolest, the most loyal, the most curious. And all of those traits translated to me as the most lovable. Funny thing is, I haven’t tested as a six in probably a decade.
Which brings me to the other side of my experience...
The other side.
I am sure many would agree that every decade of life is filled with a ton of change and growth. For me, that is undoubtedly the case for my last ten years and every personality test has shown just that, resulting in a wide array of results, including The Enneagram®. At first, not getting a six on the test was disheartening and confusing. I am sure not everyone would have this response, but gaining this insight so young stuck with me, because I had assigned so many of the traits of a six on the Enneagram to who I am. Not getting the same results surfaced feelings of “who am I?” and “who was I?” So while I love personality tests, this feels like one downside. I think we would all benefit from conversations about the evolution of self, or personality, and the impact of life or conditioning on how we transform and exist. And that in acknowledging this fact, we can remember to hold personality tests lightly, as a guide to gaining awareness for where we are at that moment, knowing shifts are inevitable. Because it is clear in my mixed bag of results that I am changing, and change is constant. So maybe I have gotten off course or maybe I am choosing another course. Maybe my course will reveal itself as one that isn’t influenced by being the youngest of a tribe. Regardless, there is still a curious “six” within me…
Within us lies the whole spectrum.
Which brings me to yet another view… I believe we are all of it. I genuinely love how personality tests give us a connecting language, but in their essence, and in OUR essence, we are already connected. Each of us encompass every piece of the puzzle. We are not this or that, we are this and that. Different situations, environments, and relationships bring out different parts of us. While a personality test gives us insight into our preferences and tendencies, that which comes naturally, within us lies all the whole spectrum. I am not just a six… I am a one, a two, a three, a four, and so on… Gaining this understanding that I am all of the numbers of the Enneagram has been empowering, because it has reminded me of my connectedness with others, regardless of any shared language.
